Life is funny.

I’ll start with the bad part first. Thursday was one of the worst days I had all year. I was sick as fuck. Like the I-shouldn’t-be-out-of-bed-let-alone-going-to-classes kind of sick. It was pretty bad, but I had to turn in a paper that day. An 8-page paper that I had spent the entire previous night working on, and it still wasn’t done. So that meant:

• No sleep
• Dragging my sickly, tired, cranky ass all over campus. (God bless anyone who had to deal with me on Thursday.)

After the nightmare ended, Friday came. Ohh, Friday.

Friday was one of the best days I’ve had all year. I wasn’t sick anymore on Friday. So that was good. Then I had plans to meet sabertoothtigrr for dinner at 8pm. After dinner, I met some of his friends at his dorm. And through a combined effort of collegiate level peer pressure, they convinced me to go to a gay club with them. (I said no for the longest, but it eventually became a yes.)

• We left for the club at 12am. (I think)
• Didn’t leave the club until 3. (I think?)
• Go back to his dorm around 4.
• Trains had stopped running at that point, so I had to sleep over. I wasn’t really sleeping though. It was more like me just laying in one spot for a few hours, waiting for 7am to come around. I’m weird, I know.
• Didn’t get back to my house until 9am this morning.

Needless to say I had a blast, and I’m glad I went. Most of what I did on Friday night (leading into Saturday morning) was not planned at all. But it’s those types of nights I’m gonna remember. I met this guy named Sebastian, who’s straight, but came to the club with us anyway. He said something along the lines of “Ya gotta have stories to tell when you’re an old man, right?” Yes, you’re absolutely right. 

This weekend has been the shit.

~ Jay

Some goon and his goon friends just tried to fight me. 

For what reason? Absolutely none. I’m just walking to go pick up my sister, not messing with anybody. I walk by a crowd of four or five guys, all young black adult men. And I guess this one dude just felt like tonight was his night because the next thing you know, he’s yelling at me. His friends are laughing. One of them threw a soda at me as I was walking away. (He missed.)

Why do people do this? Like, legit question. What satisfaction do you get out of messing with innocent people? What is your goal there? And my mom wonders why I hate this neighborhood. I can’t see how she doesn’t hate it. The fucking hoodlums. If they were all wiped off the face of the earth tomorrow, I wouldn’t give two shits. And you KNOW if any one of them were by themselves, and not with their boys, they wouldn’t have said a damn thing to me. They’re always in groups when they do shit like this because their courage lies in their numbers alone, and it makes me sick.

Back when I used to do youtube videos, I once said, “ignore the ignorance and ignorance will ignore you.”

Completely false. If you don’t fuck with anybody, you still get fucked with. 

Pardon me while I complain:

• Third day of classes and my annoyance with this school has already been freshly renewed.
• 300 dollars for books this semester. Da fuq?
• Our first project in digital illustration won’t be critiqued. Da fuq?
• I live for class critique.
• Dude who sits next to me in Art History smells like smoke. Gtfo.
• The Art History professor though? She’s cool as shit.
• I’ve made a friend in the three days that I’ve been back. That’s a plus.
• I’m actually getting better at dealing with potential dating partners who end up being a waste of time and emotions. 
• I used to get all butthurt about that. But I’m good.
• Scandal comes back tomorrow. Oh yes.
• Okay, so I guess a few of these aren’t complaints.
• Seriously though. I’m so tired of school.
• I probably only feel that way because I just got back from break.
• One more day, then classes for this week are over.
• One more semester after this, then I’m gone.
• Gone to do God knows what with my life, but gone.

~ Jay

I went to the mall today to get some shoes. Unfortunately the store was closing just as I got to it. So no shoes. But I did run into my old friend, Julio. He was with two of his friends. We talked for like 10 minutes before he told me they were about to go smoke some……yeah. (They used code words like “batcave” and “batarang.” I thought it was funny.)

Anyway, they invited me to come. Maybe some of you guys know, maybe not, but I don’t smoke. Anything. But I almost said yes?

They made a big deal about how it was good weed and I should do it and yadda yadda yadda. It was tempting. Peer pressure at it’s finest. But yeah, it didn’t happen. Plus I didn’t wanna ride the train back home high as fuck. Anyway, it was good catching up with him. I might have a job with him in the future too. We’ll see how that works out.

~ Jay

Hanging out with Arty yesterday helped me to realize I need to get out more and have fun. There’s so much in life to enjoy outside of this room and this computer. 

I’ve been keeping a dream journal lately. It’s been about a month and a half and I’ve got some interesting stuff. I’m glad I decided to write them down, because I have since forgotten a lot of them, even the ones I wrote down. Going back and reading them is like reading a bizarre, nonsensical story that someone else wrote. 

I’d recommend doing this because I’m not sure how, but I can tell its helpful. For example, before I started doing this, I never noticed that there are common themes in my dreams. In a lot of them, I’m fighting to be accepted. The scenarios are always different of course, but acceptance always plays into it somehow. Another theme is obstacles. I’m trying to get somewhere but there are too many things stopping me from getting there and I never quite make it. My dreams fluctuate between happy and sad, but the themes are very frequent either way. My deceased best friend has made a few appearances as well.

It’s interesting.

~ Jay

So this weekend I went to the Pride Parade and had a great time. The only downside was that I got some bad information from a website, and I got there at the wrong time. (The parade had started two hours earlier.) But I still got to see a good portion of it and had a blast. So many good looking guys there in tank tops, short shorts and flips flops. These things are my kryptonite.

But the real interesting stuff happened afterwards. I was basically supposed to meet my friend at the parade. Now I only knew this friend from twitter. (He’s the guy I was talking about in this post from months ago.) He lives in Atlanta, but he and his boyfriend were coming down here for a vacation or something. Idk. Anyway, once I got to the parade I couldn’t find him. I called him. No answer. I texted him. No reply. So after the parade was over, I was pretty much wandering the streets by myself, taking in all the excess gayness around me. And then he texted me. “Hey! Sorry, didn’t hear my phone earlier. We are inside number 9 right now upstairs.” So I think to myself, what the hell is Number 9? 

It only took a second for me to look down the street and see a big “9” sign above the entrance to this building. So I walk a little closer and see this big burley guy standing in front of it…Like a bouncer. And it kinda hit me just then. This is a gay bar. I’ve never been inside a bar or club of any sort in my life, so my heart starts pounding. I didn’t expect to end up here at all, but my friend is in there and I don’t want to just leave without seeing him. So after about two minutes, I work up the nerve to approach the bouncer at the door. He could probably tell that I’d never been to bar in my life from the way I approched him. “Umm…hey. I’m meeting my friend here. Is there a line or something?” There was clearly no line, so I don’t know why I asked that, but he was very friendly about it. “Nope. Just me. Can I see your I.D.?” he said. I gave him my I.D. and entered the abyss.

It was so packed in there. Very dark and very loud. Mostly gay men who weren’t old but older than me. Like mid 20’s to early 30’s I guess. A few females too. After like a minute and a half of awkwardly squeezing through very small openings to make my way across the room, I went upstairs and texted my friend again. I found him eventually and he greeted me with a very handsome smile. He introduced me to all his friends and his boyfriend. They were all nice guys. Very talkative. There were a few times when I was just kinda standing there while the rest of them talked. That was part me taking it all in, and part me just not knowing what the fuck to say. Two of the other guys in the group were a couple and they struck up conversations with me at various points, so that was nice. One of the other guys, Dante, asked me how old I was. I told him I was 22. 

He said, “Oh, I was just wondering because I didn’t see a drink in your hand.”

“Oh, I don’t drink.”

“You don’t drink?”

“No.”

“Really?”

Yeah.”

“Do you smoke?”

“No.”

“For real?”

“Yeah.”

“…….You don’t do nothing?!”

At this point we’re all laughing. This dude just couldn’t fathom that there was someone in front of him who didn’t drink or smoke. It was funny. We all talked a little more until they decided to leave around 8:30. They said they would be meeting up for dinner later on that night and that I could come if I wanted. But it was getting late and the trains stop running at a certain point, so I decided to head on home. Wish I could have hung out with them some more though. They were all a little older and more experienced than me. I really liked that. I really liked being a part of a group for once. It’s really rare for me, especially over the past few years. It felt nice.

On my walk back to the train station, there were these two guys walking past me. one of them said “heeeyyyy cutie.” That made my day and I couldn’t stop smiling. He yelled for my number, but by that point I was halfway down the block. I kinda wish I had just went back and given it to him. Another guy tried to hit on me too, but he was kinda scary. His approach was pretty much “Hey, wassup. Where you goin’?” in a really deep voice. I just smiled and kept walking. 

Soooo yeah. That was my weekend. Here’s me and my friend below. The guy responsible for this whole experience. He’s awesome and I had a great time. =)

~ Jay

Very handsome! How did it go?

Meh. The guy got 25 years, in which he has to serve all but 15. That means he’ll only have to serve 10 years and if he breaks the law again after he gets out, he has to come back and serve the other 15. The only reason he got this deal is because he was a minor when he committed the murder (he was 17) and he also entered a plea bargain. Not only that, but in 3 years from now he gets to come back and ask the judge to reconsider the sentence, meaning he may not even serve the full 10. A bunch of bullshit, really.

Here’s the thing that doesn’t make sense. My friends and I sat in the courtroom during multiple other cases, and there was this one guy, also a minor, who shot a 23 month old child in the face. It wasn’t intentional, but he was carelessly firing a gun around children, and therefore found guilty. The child survived, and the guy has to serve 25 years. He has to serve the full 25 years.

So in comparison, you have two guys who are around the same age. One of them shot a child in the face and will serve a full 25 years. But the guy who killed my best friend and stabbed two other people only has to serve 10 years, possibly less. That’s american justice for ya.

Anyway, I’m not as angry about it as this post makes me sound. But I’m just pointing out how flawed the decision was. One way or the other, he’ll be out within ten years after committing murder. It doesn’t make sense.

~ Jay

I always make a text post whenever something goes bad, but rarely when things go well. Things have been going well lately. Not “every” thing. But things.

It feels good.

~ Jay